Monday, February 27, 2012

Any Stupid, Wacky, Monty Haul Stories to Share?

Does anyone have any goofy, fun stories from playing D&D "back in the day" as kids and/or teenagers?  Any Monty Hall treasure piles, any perversion of the rules, or ridiculously powerful or lucky PC's?  I'll share a story.

As background, Sylvaeon had a discussion over on G+ about the Arduin Grimoire series from the late 1970's.  I was reminded about how gonzo and fun that system was.  Anything seemed possible in Arduin.  I then recalled how we used to play AD&D but incorporated certain Arduin rules into our game.  One such rule was "Critical Hits."

Arduin has a crazy critical hit chart.  One particular roll on the chart equates to "Entire head pulped and splattered over a wide area.  Instant and Irrevocable death ensues."  I don't have the book in front of me, but it was very similar to that.

Anyway, here comes the stupid, crazy part.  My brother was DM'ing, I was about 11 years old, and me and my friend had a party of 1st level PC's.  We somehow ended up in Demogorgon's lair.  :)  Yeah, I shit you not!  Well... the Thief in the party managed to steal a +3 Dagger from Demogorgon's stash, snuck up on him (undetected, apparently, amongst all of Demogorgon's demon minions), and backstabbed the poor guy.  Well, somehow I miraculously rolled a "20," which allowed me to roll on the Crit chart.  Seconds later, Demogorgon was dead - his entire head pulped and splattered amongst a wide area.

Amongst his loot, OF COURSE, was a Vorpal Blade.  Our PC's got so wealthy that they were all elevated up to about 5th level each from the treasure XP.

Never mind that:
1.  How did our 1st level PC's find Demogorgon?
2.  How did we sneak around and find the +3 Dagger?
3.  How much dice fudging resulted in the instant death Crit?
4.  Where were Demogorgon's minions to protect him?
5.  What about his 2nd head?
6.  Why weren't we all slain on the way out of the joint by pissed off Demons?
7.  Why weren't we held to the rule that you can only level up 1 level at at time?

Anyway - my brother and I rotated DM'ing - and somehow the treasure just flowed and flowed.  :)


  1. This reminds me of my first dungeon I ever populated- B1: In Search of the Unknown

    I had the Holmes rules and I was the DM and my kid brother was the player. I was around 11 or 12, like you were, George. Anyway, I hardly understood any of the mechanics and was just doing the best I could. In one of the rooms I placed a Red Dragon! (this was D&D, right?) My brother's 1st lvl character somehow slew it. LOL

    In my Arduin days, I remember the tables being turned on the PCs a lot... we usually died and not the monsters, but we sure did get some weird and powerful loot if we did survive!

    Good times, George... good times...

    1. That's a great story!

      Hey, if Bard of Laketown can slay Smaug, why not your brother's fighter! :)

    2. Yes, 1st level characters seemed to have the dragon-slaying knack back in those days! Sleep was a favourite tactic among my players in those early games, before we realised that it only works on monsters of 4 or less HD!

    3. "the dragon slaying knack"
      yeah as we got older we lost it LOL

      It is sure funny to see how we played when we were new to it all... it would be fun to watch ourselves now playing back then

  2. I recall as a kid drawing a huge sea map covered in islands of all shapes & sizes. I don't remember at all how we used to play with it, but presumably some kind of oceanic voyage / sea-crawl kinda thing was going on.

    One island which I remember in particular contained a dungeon with a single small room (10' x 10' I guess) inhabited by a single 1HD skeleton. It was guarding a hoard of 1,000,000 gold pieces. That was absolutely hilarious when I was 10 :)

    1. That all sound fun! I'm picturing Dr. Evil: "one milllllion gold pieces!"

  3. I could tell you about the time that we, en route to slay Vecna, were forced to kill the Tarasque. I wasted a lot of time with my Barrier Peaks Blaster Rifle until I realized a 20th level mage might be better off lobbing fireballs down the bastard's throat.

    1. Nice! :) We never ran into a Tarrasque. We never made it past the MM and Fiend Folio. I think the Tarrasque was in the MM2.

      Had we seen one, I'm sure my Thief would have backstabbed it.

    2. I'm still laughing at Demogorgon succumbing to that crit. "What about his other head?" was EXACTLY the first thing to enter my mind.

  4. Oh god. I have a more recent antic to share. We were fighting this really super high level henchman of the bad guy. This henchman regenerated damage so fast he just couldn't die (including fire and acid). Nothing we did really stopped him because he had Magic Resistance and kept making saving throws. Now we're an experienced group of players with high level PCs who have plenty of magic resources to bring against this guy. Basically the fight was meant to end in some cinematic way that we just weren't triggering (probably by not dying immediately or something).

    So I turned on my Decanter of Endless Water to Geyser and stuck it in a wound one of my friends caused the henchman that same segment. Rolled the -8 to hit specific body part (even though there isn't any effect usually).

    We continued fighting for several rounds after that and nothing ever really happened to the guy. I guess he just got really well-hydrated or something. As in having a fire hydrant empty continuously into your abdomen and blast all your internal organs for several minutes.

    Nope, not even a -1 to his attack rolls due to distraction or discomfort.

  5. I was 14 when I started playing. It was always just me and a buddy of mine, with him DMing. In his very first dungeon, my 1st level fighter (of course) found a chest in the first room (it was at the end of the corridor to the left, I still remember it vividly). I declared I was opening it. It promptly exploded in my face, but didn't kill me. It was full of clothes. I heard a noise behind me and what should be making its way into this 20x20 room on the first level of the dungeon? That's right, a PURPLE WORM. I attacked and it swallowed me whole. My buddy said "You should have checked the chest. It has a false bottom that's a secret door."

  6. 1d30 - that DM sounds like he had his mind made up - common sense be damned! :) But it was a hell of a creative idea from your player.

    David - That's awesome! What a fun story. This enormous purple worm is closing in on you, but you should have taken your time searching the chest for false bottoms.

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  9. Late to the party, as usual, but I have to share this - as a newbie DM I had bought the DMG and really grooved on the section on crossovers with Boot Hill & Gamma World. I don't think I had Gamma World but I did have (and still do) Metamporphosis:ALPHA and I decided to cross that over with my D&D game. The Humanoid mutant with 4x strength and total poison immunity was bad enough, but I also gave out a laser pistol - which do something like 15 dice in damage per hit in M:A. That's perfectly reasonable in that game as you roll something like 8-9 d6 for your hits in M:A, but being new & stupid I didn't adjust the damage level for D&D. Hilarity ensued.

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